Friend or Foe: Professional Peers

 

This past week was spent at an annual conference I never miss no matter where it is, this time in Dallas, TX.

Having spent thousands of dollars to attend, I was excited to see my friends in the speaking business, and feel the familiar friendship of those going through similar trials and triumphs is really something I look forward to.

As I sat down with a group of friends I haven’t seen in person in over a year, the first thing I was asked was, “Wow man, did you let go or what?  Your beard is out of control, your clothes are sloppy, you look like a painter.  Looks like you gained all that weight back.  What’s going on?”

Some ribbing is welcome, but when they keep digging in I realize it isn’t letting up.  Not the welcome I expected from my professional peer group, friends I thought were my pals….

Eventually moving on from that group, luckily came across a group of friends I knew would be at least kinder.  The conversation began with, “Hey Raptor boy, are you still doing that ‘I’m serious and not being funny anymore’ routine, trying to be a speaker, or have you reverted back to what you’re best at?” 

Feeling a bit brutalized I tried to fend for myself without being offensive but started feeling quite attacked.

Finally found a group of pals, not as close as the others, but still friends, who welcomed me with, “Gosh I love your blog, the posts inspire and help my business and life, I admire your consistency, its surprising to me the depth you can get to in one post.  How is your family and how is business?  Anything you need from me?”

My goodness, how nice to have someone say something kind!

As you know, dear reader, this blog is about your business and how to survive in it.

But today is a word of advice to any willing to listen: High School is Over.

When approached by your peers, no matter how funny you are, how close you feel you might be, you never know what that person is going through and there is no reason to be anything but cordial, encouraging, and kind.

Let’s recap:

Want to win friends and influence people?  Let’s take a page out of Mr. Roger’s book of life ~

Be Kind. 

Be Welcoming. 

Be Non-Judgmental. 

Be Helpful. 

Be Encouraging. 

Be Uplifting. 

Be Fun and have fun, but not at someone’s expense.

As I left the circles that were critical and thought it was fun to bash me, although perhaps they were trying to just razz me like guys razz guys, I realized I don’t have time, space, or energy for those guys, nor that type of conversation.  I mean, I don’t need people to kiss up to me, but I don’t need people making me feel bad, either.

I’ve already had enough of that, as I recounted in my article How Keynoting for Keynote Speakers Almost Killed Me.

I found people, when one on one, were much more willing to be real, rather than putting on a show.

Hey folks, for my living I put on a show on stage, I don’t need to put on a show off stage.

The best parts of my conference were finding friends like Ty Bennett, Clint Pulver, Rob Ferre, Sydne Jacques, Michelle McCullough, Dr. Paul Jenkins, Mark Eaton, Dan Clark and others from my NSA Mountain West family whom I see fairly often.  They love and accept me for who I am and what I’ve become, whether I look like a sweaty, bearded, hairy mountain man or not.  We celebrate each other’s achievements and respect, support, and lift one another up.

 

 

Then seeing those friends I haven’t connected with in person in over a year, who enlightened my experience and made me feel loved and welcomed me for me, such as Stephen Shapiro, David Glickman, Tony Ingle, Jane Jenkins Herlong, Mark Scharenbroich, Nido Qubein, Neen James, Patrick Henry, Jessica Pettitt, Devin Henderson, Lou Heckler, Brian Walter, Dan Thurmon, Steve Spangler, Mike Domitrz, Scott Halford, Tim Gard, Mark Kamp, Connie Podesta, John Sileo, Ron Culberson, Kelsey Tainsh, Marilyn Sherman, Patrick Maurer, Phil Gerbyshak, and a few others.

I even made a few new friends, like the amazing Victoria Labalme and Terri Sjodin.  Incredible, powerful, inspiring women.

The final night, at the Dallas Cowboys stadium, as I walked around smiling and side hugging professional peers and colleagues I won’t see again for a year, I went up to a group of friends I hadn’t seen much the whole conference.  A group of men, very successful, all having a good time.

I said hi to everyone and one leaned in and said, “Jason, you look very, I don’t know what the word is…serene?  Maybe sedate?  Or is it complacent and content?  I’m just not sure what the vibe is you’re putting on?”  I said it was probably just feeling I didn’t have much left to prove, that there is no need to put on pretenses, that I could just be me and be ok with that, especially around my peers, rather than performing a show off stage too.

The guy next to him leans in and says, “I remember when you came off stage in 2016, when you were trying to go from Mr. Fun Entertainer guy to Mr. Serious Speaker guy, trying to do that promise thing or whatever it was – I hope you’ve moved past that by the way –  I said you are the only (blank), overweight Mormon, dancing and singing like dead (blank) singers that still gets paid for that (blank).”

I said, “Yeah, I remember that.  I am speaking about legendary performers so it really is part of the point.” 

And I walked away.

Perhaps my silence made the point.  Perhaps that peer had no idea that what he just repeated hurt just as much now as it did back then, but it led me right back to looking for a better group of friends, who don’t throw insults for fun or for game, and just embrace the opportunity to be together.

What kind of peer are you to those you see daily and also perhaps annually or less? 

Remember, we are in this business alone for most of it, so be the kind of person your peers want to refer, want to help, want to be around, and you can enjoy the beauty of conferences and friendships much deeper.

To be honest, I’m grateful the conference is over, and I now know even better who my real friends are.