Q&A: What Do I Do When No One Is Watching My Show?

2016: This was a Show with 11 People in Attendance – Still Killed it! 

We’ve all had that one event – where everything goes wrong, no one is watching, and we want to throw our hands up and leave – yet know we must honor the contract and finish the gig.

This question came to me through Facebook from a very successful performer who is always looking to see the bright side, and asked my response:

A majority of my responses here will fall within the “Preparation of the Event” category, as well as a few ideas to troubleshoot even when the Prep was handled flawlessly.

1. Prep Call with Client – Upon receiving a call for an event, or even after booking the event, it is essential to have a prep call with the client whether you feel like it or not.  Most artists and speakers don’t like to because conference calls are a pain to set up and often the client doesn’t show up for them and you have to reschedule.  My suggestion is to make sure it happens.  These are the questions you want to ask the client:
   1. Tell me about the Event and your vision for having me be a part of it? 
   2. Am I The Main Attraction/Headliner, or will someone be before or after me?  
   3. Will there be Awards handed out, a Luncheon or Dinner, and where do I fall within the program?  What is the AV like? 
   4. What important events (ie. “potential distractions”) might also be happening within the room during my performance?
   5. Will the Audience be seated theater-style or dinner tables during my performance?  
2. Determine if You are The Right Fit for The Event – This is where most Performers get tripped up.  Outside of not having the initial Prep Call – either having an agent handle it or only communicating over email – determining if you are even the best person for the job is essential.  Yes you want the gig.  You need the money.  I get it.  But remember, an event like the one the performer above had could have been prevented in many ways by asking the right questions up front.  Qualifying yourself for the event is key to career sustenance and enjoyment, or you will hate yourself, the client, and your career really quick.  Imagine the following as the client’s response to all the questions outlined above in Prep Call, what would you do?
   1. My vision for the event is to have a background piano player in the corner behind the trade show making sure there are people walking around and have something to listen to.  (This helps you realize if you should take the event as “piano player” or as “showman”)
   2. You will not be the main attraction, that will be the vibe of the whole event, there will be many things happening in the same room, such as vendors, other musicians, but you will be the only one with a riser – although piano won’t fit on it so it will be on the floor.  (Question: Do you want this gig?  What is the money worth?  Can you still do some kind of performance in this setting that would be appropriate?)
   3. No Awards or meals, we haven’t budgeted for that.  Also, the sound system will be coming from the ceiling speakers of the old Marriott hotel we have rented, where the AV system was dragged across the plains during the 1849 Gold Rush to California and hit every rock along the way.  But it should sound fine and suffice, I imagine.  (AV is a big question, always)
   4. I’ve already told you, this is a Trade Show and the only time for our attendees to mingle, but we want to offer them a great Entertainer doing a Show in the corner of the room, we will point a light toward you, most likely the roast beef carver’s lamp, since it will be available, remember we can’t afford to have the buffet.  (Now you realize where you stand, or crumple, in her vision)
   5. There will be no chairs, and since yours is a show requiring people to sit in order to stay, we recommend you be as entertaining as possible!  (Still want to do this Show?  It’s up to you)
3. Be Strong Enough to Walk Away – I write this whole post as if I’m making fun of the artist who asked the question. That’s actually far from the case, as I have a vested interest in his success, having coached him the past year.  I also feel extreme empathy as I’ve found myself faced with his exact issue and will get to more answers in a minute.  But here’s a story you might be shocked to hear. I courted a certain company for over a decade to have me come and perform for their party.  I knew they had budget, knew they had great events.  Having suffered through every situation I typed above in Section 2 (all are things I’ve had planners say to me almost verbatim) I had finally learned my lesson and applied Section 1 – Prep Call.  Listening to the client’s vision for their party, and my role in it, I knew right away I was the wrong guy.  Sadly it came at a time when I was really desperate for money!  Yet we need to understand the value of our own work, our positioning and brand, rather than taking any and every offer that comes along.  I told the planner multiple times on the initial call that I was the wrong person for the event, that they should have a musical trio, a DJ, or an iPod playing background music, rather than me in the corner of their cocktail party doing the “jokes” she said she wanted.  She took her fee from $5,000 to $7,500 to $10,000 before I assured her, “Ma’am, thank you for your generosity.  The way this party is set up I will be a distraction to your cocktail and mingling event and will ruin it.  I wouldn’t take $20,000 to do it.  But I’d be happy to do my presentation on a stage with seated attendees watching and enjoying in the right situation when you are ready to have me.” She was shocked and disappointed and has never responded to any of my calls since.  But I can say with all surety I am grateful I turned that one away.
4. I Took The Gig!  What Have I Done? – Ok.  Let’s say you didn’t do Prep Call, never found out if you’re the right person for the event, and you have no idea what you’re walking into.  Usually, you can tell it’s the wrong gig the second you arrive on site.  This happened to me when the 2002 Salt Lake Olympics called, telling me I was chosen to perform (voluntarily!) for the Olympic Village athletes at a big special party they were hosting.  My wife and I were so excited, we told everyone I had been selected for this amazing opportunity!  We arrived ecstatic and soon realized we were knocking on performer’s death’s door – The Show was literally to be performed in the hallway of the dorm rooms of the University of Utah where ONLY non-English speaking athletes were resting.  Yes my friends, I did a show in a hallway while German, Japanese, Swedish, and whoever else was there annoyed Olympic athletes occasionally poked their heads out of their dorm rooms to see what the loud comedy, music and Jim Carrey at Subway routines were coming from in the middle of the hallway.  Can I make this up?  No, and you’ll have gigs that feel just as painful, unless you read through my blog and maybe do a few things I suggest.  So here’s what you do when you show up and realize you’re hosed:
   1. Take Charge Fast – Own the situation you’ve gotten yourself into and set yourself up for success.  You’re in the corner and everyone is supposed to be mingling?  Request the event planner consider setting up 3 rows of chairs in front of your stage to encourage a few people to come sit and watch.  Have extra cash?  Go around to the people mingling and ask them to come watch your show which begins in 5 minutes – if they say no thanks, offer them money – I once did this when I was booked at a County Fair.  I thought I was the Headliner – turns out I was headlining for the Petting Zoo.  True Story.  Me and a sympathizer turned friend walked around asking people to come watch me, handing out $20 bills to anyone who would.  I got a standing ovation from a Llama.
   2. As-Is It – My friend Dino Watt talks about As-Is’ing It.  Meaning: Tell it like it is.  It’s ok to make fun of the awkwardness of the situation, of your desperation, just don’t be condescending.  As long as you’re playful and enjoyable, people will come along the ride with you.
   3. Make Friends of Those Who Are Naturally Engaged with You – I was once hired to perform at the Governor’s Mansion by his wife.  I didn’t realize it was for the Governor’s sister’s birthday party and things hadn’t gone well in their family dynamics.  I was relegated to a corner on the 3rd floor of the mansion, where my brother and I were soaking wet from lugging our sound gear up the flights of stairs for a show no one was about to watch.  When I began my “show” kids were walking by picking up my wigs and putting on my costumes while I was doing my stand-up routine.  My brother was infuriated, I was having a heart attack no one was watching and the kids were messing with my stuff, and then I looked to the other side of the balcony and the Governor’s wife was smiling watching me.  The only person in the house enjoying my show.  On the floor below they were singing Happy Birthday to the sister while I was doing my show for one person, Gov’s wifey.  So I changed the words of all the songs to her name, she laughed and clapped, all alone!  I invited her to dance.  Eventually we had a great night performing for one person.  I even took requests!  What a concept!  Engage the few there to watch, and play only for them.
   4. Forge Ahead! – Most of these examples are from yesteryear, as if I’m regaling an old time folk heroes story.  But last year, one month before I was awarded the Hall of Fame Speaker award, I ran into one of the worst situations of my career.  A company I had courted and turned down for 15 years due to their inability to give me the amount of money I needed, finally gave in, paid my full fee, and had me perform for their party.  Everything was set: perfect lights, sound, stage, I would even have one of the biggest local bands open for me and then I’d do my act.  What I didn’t get in the memo was that this was actually the overflow room for the Awards Ceremony that was happening across the hall in the Trade Show space where they expected 15,000 people.  I was in the Grand Ballroom, center of the room, theater in the round, to perform for the people that couldn’t get into the main show.  Hmmmm?  When it was showtime I was not introduced, I was to just walk up on stage and begin performing.  There were 11 people there.  Standing at cocktail tables.  In the largest ballroom in Utah.  I did everything I’ve just outlined above: Took charge fast by racing down into the audience and meeting everyone, as-is’d it and laughed about how awkward this was but that we would be doing a full show so you don’t want to leave, I made friends with everyone and I mean everyone, to the point we were all laughing about it.  I even mentioned the math of how much the ticket cost each person present: $933 a head!  They scream laughed.  I did stories, comedy, faces, music, everything and trick I had in my bag.  I was DYING inside of humiliation but plowed ahead.  Did a full hour, made the money, and got out of there.  My only manager called it a, “Take the money and run!” gig.  11 people when I started, 16 by the end!  Nearly doubled attendance!  Sad photo above.  A few months ago the client came back, asking if I would do them a solid and return, “since not very many people had seen you last year”.  Hahahahah. I said sure, but only if I can Emcee the Awards Show for a higher fee.  It’s booked for this coming June.  Boom.
   5. Always, Always Have a Back-Up Plan – For the Entertainer who’s question began this article, he is talented enough that he could have quickly turned into “Classical Pianist” and not worried about being “entertaining”.  But he wanted to do a show.  Understandable.  But there are some situations where it is truly not going to happen.  I have found myself annoying myself while doing my act and realizing no one was watching and the room was getting louder because of how loud I was.  If you’re not watching my show it’s extremely annoying background music!  Heck, some even say that watching it!  So always have a back-up plan.  Mine is this – if no one is watching I will do the most appealing things I can that are enticing, such as a beautiful song, almost background music.  I’ve been a speaker during a lunch where no one even turned to look at me.  What did I do?  Softer is better.  I lowered my voice and spoke only to the ones who were trying to listen.  Eventually people will tell the loud mouths to shut up and turn their chairs around.  In other situations it’s a LOSE-LOSE and I know I must simply pretend as if I’m the greatest performer in the world and that everyone is enjoying it.  In this moment, in my mind, I go to the basement of my parent’s home, where I practiced these routines as a kid, and remember what it was like before anyone was watching or paying, and it was just me imagining someday someone might pay me to do this.  And then I keep performing, and gratitude fills my heart for the chance, even though there’s not much to be grateful for in my First World Problem moment, and quickly I realize I’m getting paid for this, so its on them if they’re not listening, at least I’m not laying sod out in that weather.

In reality, for Speakers, Performers, anyone who has taken the stage and been thrown under the bus, it is a part of learning how to be awesome no matter what.  Even the other night I got on stage and plugged my iPhone in only to realize it had frozen.  Dead.  I was supposed to do a show for a very healthy fee, and now nothing I prepared musically, which was 35 of the 45 minutes worth of material I was going to do, would be able to be done.  I will write another blog on how to handle that kind of situation, but truth is this – you want these things to happen so you know how to handle it and can troubleshoot in realtime before an audience where seconds turn to hours and your stomach twists in knots.  And yet you make it through!  Because you’ve had it happen, in some way, before.  And you’re prepared just a little better for next time.

As Johnny Carson once told Steve Martin, “You’ll use everything you ever knew”.  Profound truth.

~ jason hewlett

Jason Hewlett, CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame, is a Keynote Speaker for the largest corporate events in the world. His primary message, The Promise, is essential for Leadership, Management, Sales, Marketing, Direct-Sales Companies, and is a combination of engagement and entertainment meets inspiration. Jason has even received standing ovations from IT guys. He has been acknowledged as life-changing by Conference Attendees, C-Level Executives and Hollywood Elite. jasonhewlett.com

Please click here to learn about how Jason Hewlett, Speaker Hall of Fame, introduces the opportunity for you, or someone you love, to have the gift of learning how to create a Career From the Stage and begin moving toward fulfilling a lifelong dream as a full-time speaker, performer, or entertainer.

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